The Bizarro World of Southern California - Part Two, the People

In Part One of The Bizarro World of Southern California, which was picked up by news wire services globally, we discussed driving. Now let's talk about the people.

My San Diego friends, especially those born here, would fracture my face if I did not draw a distinction up front. The people of San Diego are not like the people of Orange County or LA. In general, the people to our north are a bit more artificial and a bit more materialistic. Indeed, there can be no place on Earth like the one that can claim as their own the denizens of the Hills and Snoop Dogg at the same time.

In LA, nearly everyone, maybe in addition to a more normal job, is an actor, actress, or model. The Hollywood dream, so to speak. This applies even to Dave. Dave and I played tennis together in college, and since then he has coached the sport at the college level. Currently he is a teaching pro at some swanky club in Palos Verdes.

But when he isn't attempting to inject talent into mostly untalented players, Dave is an actor. Had you told me this in college, I would have never believed it. He spent an inordinate amount of time in the library, dressed like the homeless guy on the corner, and sometimes went days without really speaking that much. But Dave now is not like Dave then. He still dresses like a weirdo, but that's pretty normal out here, and he is much more outgoing.

His acting career has not quite taken off yet, but he has appeared in several short films, like this one, in which he plays a married doctor who struggles to inform his wife that he is gay, and has been having an affair with her male doctor. I like to say it is the role he was born to play.

Anway, the people of San Diego are much more relaxed, laid back. It is known more as a surfer's town (or a military town). The laid back nature of the people here is, I suppose at its core, not unlike the Midwest. People in the Midwest are generally affable, approachable, and polite types who know all their neighbors and are quick with a smile. People out here, and on the East Coast to be fair, have this distorted vision of Ohio, as if we are all farmers decked out in straw hats, flannels, and homemade jeans, terrified of city slickers and aliens alike. This is, of course, not true. Ohio is one of the most populated states in the country, and at one time was the only state that had 8 cities with populations of 100,000 or more.

When I first moved here, I lived on the boardwalk in Mission Beach. The boardwalk is this narrow "road" that separates the houses from the beach. You cannot drive a car on the boardwalk - it is for walkers, bicyclers, runners, and the dreaded skateboarders. It has some colorful characters, like this guy, and is quite busy during the spring, summer, and fall (to the extent we can define "seasons" out here by the time of the year).

When I was on the boardwalk, I would, as I would have in Ohio, smile and say hello to people that passed by. Almost never was the hello returned and never was the smile reciprocated. If the person to whom I extended the normal American greeting was a female, she would often conspicuously draw more distance between us and give me this uncomfortable, awkward look, as if I was four seconds and an opportune moment away from dragging her into the alley and tossing her in the back of a paneled van bound for some human trafficking to Mexico. It is not that the people here are unfriendly - they are just indifferent to those around them.

Speaking of Mexico, there is no question that San Diego, being so close to the border, is home to a very high Mexican population. The "Old Town" section, where the City traces its roots, has a distinctly Mexican flavor, even if it is dominated by tourists who just want to be able to tell their friends back home that they had an authentic "enchilada" and bought a t-shirt that says something stupid like, "Mexicans do it caliente."

Needless to say, I am not used to such diversity. My high school, college, and law school was mostly white, and when I say "mostly," I mean mor than 99%. Of the tiny few at all three who were not white, maybe a total of 6 (people, not percent) were Mexican. That's six out of about 20,000. In short, prior to moving to San Diego, my knowledge of Mexican people and their culture was derived entirely from Taco Bell commercials, movies, and the legend of Montezuma's revenge.

This is not to say that I have an issue with Mexican people. I most definitely do not. I generally find them to be kind and friendly, even if, when they speak to each other in my presence, they are calling me an idiot gringo. Also, many of the cities and towns have Mexican names, like Chula Vista, Encinitas, and Escondido, which allows me to pronounce things with an accent. Love it.

The non-Mexicans here also speak differently. They freely use such terms as "rad," "bro," "dude," and "stoked." They call going surfing a "surf sesh" and use "no worries" to downplay something which is otherwise adverse.

These same group of people also usually "skateboard." This is the only place I know of in America where skateboarding is both mainstream and cool beyond 7th grade. A typical skateboarder on the boardwalk grew up in southern California, is named "Shale" or something weird like that, wears a flat-brimmed hat, has at least 2 tattoos, one of which is some sort of calligraphy, and either has pants that hang two inches below the boxers with no shirt or a tank top, or ones that are colored other than denim blue and hug the ankles right at the top of some vintage Chuck Taylors. While this population segment in Ohio would have been relegated to hidden skate parks or high school parking lot corners where they could smoke and listen to Green Day, here they are sizable in number.

I just don't understand skateboarding, really. If my goal is to get from one place to the other, I will drive (though, noting my awful driving record, not sure this is all that bright), perhaps ride a bike, or, lastly, just walk. Whatever my choice, though, I have to say that I do not have a problem with someone using a "longboard" to, say, get up and down the boardwalk. I wouldn't choose that, and I certainly wouldn't choose to dress like that, but ok, I get it.

My confusion is more in the skateboarders who do "tricks" up and down the boardwalk. Attempt to do tricks is more accurate. Nary a moment passed on the boardwalk when I wouldn't hear a "board" rocket across the boardwalk and hear a skater say, "awww, man, dude, s*it, haha, totally, like, unstoked." If you are going to do tricks, fine, but practice first to a point where you are proficient. I feel badly when you come down to the boardwalk and fail so publicly and so often.

In any event, where I am from football is king, and skateboarding is what you do if you suck at football or hate your parents. High school football is huge, college football is even more huge, and professional football was actually born in my hometown. The Pro Football Hall of Fame is there, and Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays in the fall and early winter are dominated with whoever your HS team is, Ohio State, and the Browns (or Bengals, if you want to like football but still suck).

Even though California produces an enormous number of amazing football players, high school football is just not that important to the people here. There is no college football team (well, none that is any good) in the city, and going to the Chargers' game is more a social event than anything else. Instead, "board" sports and X-games activities dominate the landscape here. It isn't my job or desire to change it. Revolutions take time and long-range planning. I'm just pointing it out.

I am sure there are many other unique attributes of the people of southern California, and I am equally sure that the comments to this post will be voluminous and informative in that regard. But that's what I got for now.