I refer not to any war, nor to any athletic feat. Rather, I refer to the fact that I got engaged. With my silky smooth rap skills and Adonis-like good looks, I am not sure what you expected, ladies.
Both Lindsey and a friend (Face) have raised the issue of how I could put up a post about the World Crap, but not blog about getting engaged, which happened more than a month ago. The reason is simple: My team of legal advisers were concerned about the possible liability that may attach to me from inflicting such physical and emotional pain on females worldwide. As news of the engagement spread, and was picked up by the press, you could just hear the wailing and breaking of hearts across the globe. We now have determined that the news has sunk in enough that it is safe to blog without fear of legal repercussions.
You probably want to know how I did it. So would I, actually, as I was completely bombed out of my skull when it happened. I kid, of course. Here is how it went down: Lindsey had the day off so I took her out to Coronado for the day. I then commandeered a Navy fighter jet with the assistance of a military friend. I had Lindsey stay on the ground. I know what you are thinking, oh he did it by skywriting... Not at all. I had her stand in an open field while I was up in the air. I did several aerial maneuvers, quite befitting of someone of my talents, and then I fired a missle down to the field where she was standing. I had the missile specially outfitted so that right before it exploded on the ground, the ring was "ejected" from it on a little parachute. She then ran over to the parachute and retrieved the ring just as I was landing the jet. I ran over, aviator glasses and all, and popped the question. She said yes, I said just kidding, she looked horrified, I said kidding again, and that's all she wrote. It was wonderful. The Navy even let us keep the jet as an engagement present. The end.
[LEGAL DISCLAIMER: The entire preceding paragraph was fiction]
In all seriousness, though, I truly am the luckiest guy on Earth. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined a girl like Lindsey would keep around a dorkish tool like myself. I am excited, immensely so, for the future, and thank Woody Hayes (Go Bucks) every day that I have her.
Ballin,
out
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
The World Crap
I realize that at least some of the blog readers will no doubt chafe at this as blasphemy, but I'm so glad the World Cup is over. I watched the final and it sucked. The last ten minutes of regulation it looked like neither team was even trying to score. I cannot stand the faking of injuries. A guy gets barely clipped on the shin guard and he goes down as if he just took a mortar shot. Ridiculous. I am so glad that the Americans generally do not that kind of crap.
As for the Americans, all I can say is WTF. Never, in any category, sport, or list, should the United States be the answer to the question, "who tied Slovenia, barely beat Algeria, and lost to Ghana." I love the heart and passion with which Donovan and Dempsey play the game, but the rest of the team, perhaps aside from the goalkeeper, looked downright inferior to their competition. How does this happen? I understand the notion that our best athletes generally play other sports, but c'mon. Let's assume that fact effectively reduces our population to half of what it is - 150 million. That would still make us one of the largest countries in the world, and THAT is what we put out? Seriously?
As far as soccer generally, there are several things I just do not understand:
1) the idea that you can "tie"
2) the idea that merely taking a shot on goal AND MISSING is worthy of applause
3) the idea that it is sound strategy to blast the ball out of bounds just because you don't like the circumstances in front of you. Yes, I realize that quarterbacks can chuck the ball out of bounds on purpose at times, but this is a rarity (a couple/few times a game), not 380 times.
4) the faking (see above)
5) the idea that someone throwing the ball in does not have to stand in a spot to do it. Yes, basketball players can run down the baseline when passing it in sometimes, but only after a basket is scored.
6) the fact that the World Crap is played once every four years.
In short, I neither understand nor particularly like soccer. I watched the US play, and I cheered hard for them, but once they were out, I was pretty much done. The only reason I watched after that was so I could ruin my day.
As for the Americans, all I can say is WTF. Never, in any category, sport, or list, should the United States be the answer to the question, "who tied Slovenia, barely beat Algeria, and lost to Ghana." I love the heart and passion with which Donovan and Dempsey play the game, but the rest of the team, perhaps aside from the goalkeeper, looked downright inferior to their competition. How does this happen? I understand the notion that our best athletes generally play other sports, but c'mon. Let's assume that fact effectively reduces our population to half of what it is - 150 million. That would still make us one of the largest countries in the world, and THAT is what we put out? Seriously?
As far as soccer generally, there are several things I just do not understand:
1) the idea that you can "tie"
2) the idea that merely taking a shot on goal AND MISSING is worthy of applause
3) the idea that it is sound strategy to blast the ball out of bounds just because you don't like the circumstances in front of you. Yes, I realize that quarterbacks can chuck the ball out of bounds on purpose at times, but this is a rarity (a couple/few times a game), not 380 times.
4) the faking (see above)
5) the idea that someone throwing the ball in does not have to stand in a spot to do it. Yes, basketball players can run down the baseline when passing it in sometimes, but only after a basket is scored.
6) the fact that the World Crap is played once every four years.
In short, I neither understand nor particularly like soccer. I watched the US play, and I cheered hard for them, but once they were out, I was pretty much done. The only reason I watched after that was so I could ruin my day.
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