The Shot Heard Round the World

I refer not to any war, nor to any athletic feat. Rather, I refer to the fact that I got engaged. With my silky smooth rap skills and Adonis-like good looks, I am not sure what you expected, ladies.

Both Lindsey and a friend (Face) have raised the issue of how I could put up a post about the World Crap, but not blog about getting engaged, which happened more than a month ago. The reason is simple: My team of legal advisers were concerned about the possible liability that may attach to me from inflicting such physical and emotional pain on females worldwide. As news of the engagement spread, and was picked up by the press, you could just hear the wailing and breaking of hearts across the globe. We now have determined that the news has sunk in enough that it is safe to blog without fear of legal repercussions.

You probably want to know how I did it. So would I, actually, as I was completely bombed out of my skull when it happened. I kid, of course. Here is how it went down: Lindsey had the day off so I took her out to Coronado for the day. I then commandeered a Navy fighter jet with the assistance of a military friend. I had Lindsey stay on the ground. I know what you are thinking, oh he did it by skywriting... Not at all. I had her stand in an open field while I was up in the air. I did several aerial maneuvers, quite befitting of someone of my talents, and then I fired a missle down to the field where she was standing. I had the missile specially outfitted so that right before it exploded on the ground, the ring was "ejected" from it on a little parachute. She then ran over to the parachute and retrieved the ring just as I was landing the jet. I ran over, aviator glasses and all, and popped the question. She said yes, I said just kidding, she looked horrified, I said kidding again, and that's all she wrote. It was wonderful. The Navy even let us keep the jet as an engagement present. The end.

[LEGAL DISCLAIMER: The entire preceding paragraph was fiction]

In all seriousness, though, I truly am the luckiest guy on Earth. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined a girl like Lindsey would keep around a dorkish tool like myself. I am excited, immensely so, for the future, and thank Woody Hayes (Go Bucks) every day that I have her.

Ballin,
out